all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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