a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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