bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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