I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
