so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
