I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
