I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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