I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
