So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
