You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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