When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
