when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize