I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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