The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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