There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
