Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
