And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
