A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
