Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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