I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
