I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
