He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
