I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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