he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
