I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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