oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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