i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
