He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
even my farts smell like vagina
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
