who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
