What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
