Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
