Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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