Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
