My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
