While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
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she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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