If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
