i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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