I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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