You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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