she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
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I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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