I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
