I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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