No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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