I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
