now i know why i became what i already was.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
