my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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