I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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