Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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