is your mom at the bar?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
