He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
