Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
