you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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