2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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