Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
