Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
