I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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