WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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