if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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