Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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