so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
