Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
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i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
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Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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