Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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