Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
