i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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