You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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