But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
