these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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