I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
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Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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