Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
