she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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