she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
