I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
