This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
