Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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