This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
