oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
how drunk are you?
Several
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
