Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
