I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
