Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize