She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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