Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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